Ave Fraters et Sorors,
Once again, Theurgy has changed my life for the better. My conversation and connection with BITOM has resulted in a very specific correction in my life-that of career direction and life-focus. I've always thrived as a creative person...but as I've grown older (and frankly abused the Fiery energies, miss-spending them with embarrassing abandon) I've found that use of my skills and creative powers has fallen off to almost null-my passion for Magic is the only thing that kept that dull fire lit. Before my work with the Water forces in Practicus I was also very insensitive...I didn't sense/feel enough of what was going on to notice and understand what was happening. Where once I burst with ideas and toiled to manifest them on this plane (which is a creative desire rooted in Elemental Fire), now they remained in Yesod, lacking the Fiery component necessary to energize them and bring them into existence. Nothing is done in a vacuum-misusing any of the forces that make up our Micro and Macrocosm creates a chain effect that dips into ever aspect of our lives-because of the interconnectedness of all things. I have a certain amount of Elemental Fire to use when I awaken-this energy is both subtle and visceral in ourselves-and choosing how it is expressed has a massive effect on what I manifest into existence, including myself.
I work as a General Manager/Chef at a restaurant. It is work I do because I am good at it. It has it's moments, but if I had my way I would spend my time designing/creating. I have a love for technology, and have made a small hobby out of designing websites and making illustrations using primarily electronic media. So.......why the hell haven't I done what I would be most happy at? Why haven't I worked to spend my days doing the things I enjoy the most? Why have I allowed myself to drift on the tides, and not taken action to manifest my life as Exactly I want it, instead of compromising and doing what has mostly come easily to me? Why is the fun stuff a hobby-an under-served hobby- instead of career?
Well....because the fiery initiative and fuel to Action necessary to get me off my ass has been limited by the poor way I've handled the Elemental Fire in my control. I have squandered it shamefully! Every decision one makes about how to spend one's time-how to act-involves expression and use of Elemental energies, and a deep imbalance of one energy will affect the way that energy is expressed in all areas of the life. The universe may be unlimited, but we have finite resources Elementally that are naturally available to us. As Magicians, we can get around that by Invocation, but that's plugging in to the Universal reservoir-having access to those streams under carefully manipulated ritual does not mean we individually have unlimited reserves. We Do Not. I'd been acting as if the well could never run dry, using wastefully, and then having nothing to water my crops with when it came time to grow something.
My failure to understand the principles of Fire, and my ignorance of it's use, have led me to act passively in the creation of my Material life! The shame of it burns even now, to think of the years squandered toiling away at work that was adequate and not inspiring. To think of the Songs left un-created, the visions inspired by the Heavens and left to rot in my lazy-ass mind....and I have no real excuse. I am not rich, but I have enough time. All the education I need is readily available, and for free. The only bar to my being exactly what I want to be has been my own ignorance and foolishness. Goodness!
I'm grateful once again to the Golden Dawn, and the work that we do. My debt to her ever deepens.Who knows when I would have understood this, and become a more fully understanding architect of my own life?
When you consider the root and source of creative ideas, of works of art and mechanics...of all things...it is almost criminal to leave an inspired thought stillborn in your head. It is offensive. Perhaps it isn't to everyone. This is a major part of who I am, and it ever has been. It is the creative part of cooking that led me to enjoy my work in restaurants. I tinker, I change, I manipulate, I alter everything that I encounter. I have been blessed with a sense of Quality (if you've read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance you know what I mean)-there is beauty in artfully manifested forms that speaks to me, and always has. I am a skilled and effective ritualist because of my sense of Art. I owe even my Magic to Art, and I have suppressed this part of myself-accidentally, but what does that matter? I have looked at art done by other artists and felt a strange sense of jealousy. I've never understood why, and only really noticed it on a top level recently. I was feeling that way because underneath I was ashamed of having failed in my own duty to create. I knew that I could do as well as they had, and I knew that despite having the ability, I'd done nothing. This is my sacred charge, and I had somehow lost my way. Even know, as the understanding fills me, I want to create the things that are stirring and moving about in my depths. This is what I am Meant to do, I know it as sure as I am breathing.
I haven't experienced this before. I am so sure. When it came to the direction my life would take it's always been a bit of a cloud, but now I know. Now I am aligning myself with the Will of my creator for me, and I am literally quaking with the realization. I feel like laughing and crying all at once. Joyful tears, so that sounds a bit less like insanity. It's why I was attracted to magic in the first place. Because the magician is a Creator, and an Artist is a creator and manifests as well. I'm here to create, to assist in the manifestation of ideas-of beauty-through the prism of my terrestrial self. I have to give birth. I feel a sort of mental glossalia about all this-when I tune in to this stream of thought everything becomes Golden and Purposeful. I'm filled with Purpose!
This is probably a bizarre-sounding post, but I have to express this. I've stumbled into this grace at the ripe-old age of 30. What if it had been at 50, or 60? What would I have failed to create? What would have gone undone? These past 5 or so years have been incredible. I've gone from a state of ignorance to one of a certain enlightenment, at least as far as my own nature is concerned! I am clearly no Christian Rosencruetz....yet :-) I shudder to think at what my life would have been had I never discovered Magic, the most Royal of Arts. Don't let anyone say that Magic is not a form of Alchemy; the dross of my leaden ignorance is constantly being burnished into the gold of understanding by Magic, and that is a priceless gift. I am so grateful.
In LVX,
AIT
Once again, Theurgy has changed my life for the better. My conversation and connection with BITOM has resulted in a very specific correction in my life-that of career direction and life-focus. I've always thrived as a creative person...but as I've grown older (and frankly abused the Fiery energies, miss-spending them with embarrassing abandon) I've found that use of my skills and creative powers has fallen off to almost null-my passion for Magic is the only thing that kept that dull fire lit. Before my work with the Water forces in Practicus I was also very insensitive...I didn't sense/feel enough of what was going on to notice and understand what was happening. Where once I burst with ideas and toiled to manifest them on this plane (which is a creative desire rooted in Elemental Fire), now they remained in Yesod, lacking the Fiery component necessary to energize them and bring them into existence. Nothing is done in a vacuum-misusing any of the forces that make up our Micro and Macrocosm creates a chain effect that dips into ever aspect of our lives-because of the interconnectedness of all things. I have a certain amount of Elemental Fire to use when I awaken-this energy is both subtle and visceral in ourselves-and choosing how it is expressed has a massive effect on what I manifest into existence, including myself.
I work as a General Manager/Chef at a restaurant. It is work I do because I am good at it. It has it's moments, but if I had my way I would spend my time designing/creating. I have a love for technology, and have made a small hobby out of designing websites and making illustrations using primarily electronic media. So.......why the hell haven't I done what I would be most happy at? Why haven't I worked to spend my days doing the things I enjoy the most? Why have I allowed myself to drift on the tides, and not taken action to manifest my life as Exactly I want it, instead of compromising and doing what has mostly come easily to me? Why is the fun stuff a hobby-an under-served hobby- instead of career?
Well....because the fiery initiative and fuel to Action necessary to get me off my ass has been limited by the poor way I've handled the Elemental Fire in my control. I have squandered it shamefully! Every decision one makes about how to spend one's time-how to act-involves expression and use of Elemental energies, and a deep imbalance of one energy will affect the way that energy is expressed in all areas of the life. The universe may be unlimited, but we have finite resources Elementally that are naturally available to us. As Magicians, we can get around that by Invocation, but that's plugging in to the Universal reservoir-having access to those streams under carefully manipulated ritual does not mean we individually have unlimited reserves. We Do Not. I'd been acting as if the well could never run dry, using wastefully, and then having nothing to water my crops with when it came time to grow something.
My failure to understand the principles of Fire, and my ignorance of it's use, have led me to act passively in the creation of my Material life! The shame of it burns even now, to think of the years squandered toiling away at work that was adequate and not inspiring. To think of the Songs left un-created, the visions inspired by the Heavens and left to rot in my lazy-ass mind....and I have no real excuse. I am not rich, but I have enough time. All the education I need is readily available, and for free. The only bar to my being exactly what I want to be has been my own ignorance and foolishness. Goodness!
I'm grateful once again to the Golden Dawn, and the work that we do. My debt to her ever deepens.Who knows when I would have understood this, and become a more fully understanding architect of my own life?
When you consider the root and source of creative ideas, of works of art and mechanics...of all things...it is almost criminal to leave an inspired thought stillborn in your head. It is offensive. Perhaps it isn't to everyone. This is a major part of who I am, and it ever has been. It is the creative part of cooking that led me to enjoy my work in restaurants. I tinker, I change, I manipulate, I alter everything that I encounter. I have been blessed with a sense of Quality (if you've read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance you know what I mean)-there is beauty in artfully manifested forms that speaks to me, and always has. I am a skilled and effective ritualist because of my sense of Art. I owe even my Magic to Art, and I have suppressed this part of myself-accidentally, but what does that matter? I have looked at art done by other artists and felt a strange sense of jealousy. I've never understood why, and only really noticed it on a top level recently. I was feeling that way because underneath I was ashamed of having failed in my own duty to create. I knew that I could do as well as they had, and I knew that despite having the ability, I'd done nothing. This is my sacred charge, and I had somehow lost my way. Even know, as the understanding fills me, I want to create the things that are stirring and moving about in my depths. This is what I am Meant to do, I know it as sure as I am breathing.
I haven't experienced this before. I am so sure. When it came to the direction my life would take it's always been a bit of a cloud, but now I know. Now I am aligning myself with the Will of my creator for me, and I am literally quaking with the realization. I feel like laughing and crying all at once. Joyful tears, so that sounds a bit less like insanity. It's why I was attracted to magic in the first place. Because the magician is a Creator, and an Artist is a creator and manifests as well. I'm here to create, to assist in the manifestation of ideas-of beauty-through the prism of my terrestrial self. I have to give birth. I feel a sort of mental glossalia about all this-when I tune in to this stream of thought everything becomes Golden and Purposeful. I'm filled with Purpose!
This is probably a bizarre-sounding post, but I have to express this. I've stumbled into this grace at the ripe-old age of 30. What if it had been at 50, or 60? What would I have failed to create? What would have gone undone? These past 5 or so years have been incredible. I've gone from a state of ignorance to one of a certain enlightenment, at least as far as my own nature is concerned! I am clearly no Christian Rosencruetz....yet :-) I shudder to think at what my life would have been had I never discovered Magic, the most Royal of Arts. Don't let anyone say that Magic is not a form of Alchemy; the dross of my leaden ignorance is constantly being burnished into the gold of understanding by Magic, and that is a priceless gift. I am so grateful.
In LVX,
AIT
if you need any help, let me know. I'm working ona demo tape.
ReplyDeleteIf you need help with recording software, or a drum machine, i can help there too.
Pax et LVX,
This resonates with things I've been experiencing lately as well. A helpful post. Thanks.
ReplyDelete