Ave, I've spent huge amounts of my lifetime basically asleep. Living in a daydreaming state, a fugue. The problem is the future. The idea of it, anyway. It doesn't exist. The past exists as the present, there is nothing but the present. Nothing! I'm not saying this right, but it's a true thing. I've spent the entire day trying not to fall back asleep. I understand what Gurdijeff was teaching. We're a race of sleepwalkers, we spend more time asleep than awake. I refuse to do so any longer. What a difference this is. Subtle at first, but deepening. I've always thought I had a terrible memory; this isn't true. I haven't actually been present for the things that occurred that I wished to recall. Sleep-walking. I've been dreaming, and seeing everything about me as in a dream. Not seeing the truth of a thing. Interestingly, it isn't as difficult to stay awake as I thought it would be. Sleep still sneaks up on me, but there's a quiet spot