Heavens Within Earth

Ave, Goodness. Sometimes being a magician sucks. Since I began all of this prayer and work for communion with the HGA, I've taken some rough rolls of the dice. Things have arisen that are not only tests of character, but seem to be decision-making tests.....as if I am determining who I am, and being forced to make certain decisions, instead of being shaped by the tides. Thing is, it isn't all super pleasant. I've been forced through a series of life-issues to make decisions and take stands about things that matter-  I am usually a laid back kind of gent, but after certain events this weekend, I've been pulled very strongly toward the center. I've had to step outside and beyond what were once my moral bounds. I've had to leave behind a certain milk-water niceness that is not serving me well. That is not to say that I've become a cruel person; only that I've been overly hesitant to exert my own will if it inconveniences others. This is a weak, imbalanc

Ave, I've been striving actively to develop the connection with my HGA-and have experienced some interesting understandings. Firstly, that one's development does not necessarily fit into the nice ordered tracks set out by an Order's curriculum. I know this is obvious, but the stair-step nature of the grade system-which should look more like a  pool, and less like a road, in my opinion-can close off and prevent accurate understanding of what's going on in one's life and magical practice.  It really has come to the front for me lately, as my actual practice has outpaced my "official" grade level. Not in all ways-there are times when I've had to backtrack and re-approach energies balanced in a previous Grade for new understanding. None of the energies within us exist in a vaccuum, and as one grows, old lessons need to be dusted off and re-approached to prevent imbalance.  Again, I know this is obvious to those of us who are adept at magic, but a begin