Marriage

Ave,

There seem to be a lot of little "marriages" occurring on different levels for me at this point in time. Whilst walking today, after doing some work with the interior metals post Middle Pillar, I came to an awareness of the present. It was interesting; I realized that I spent much of my day doing various things within my Mind but not actually being present in the moment I was living. My active attention was rarely wed to the outer world, and rarely wed more than superficially to my deeper inner world. I spend most of my day either in the future, in the past, or in a limbo in between, and am not often actually in the world we live in. I mean, even things that required I pay attention never really got my entire attention--the engine of my mind was always running multiple instances. Today while I was walking a couple of things occurred. I became aware of my body in a way that I wasn't before, of the amazing processes that the lower mind run automatically for us. The breathe, the heartbeat, the digestion...the flow of blood and the firing nerves...even within my physical form there was a world to which I have paid little mind. Then I became aware of the world around me, but with a rich intensity I hadn't noticed before. How bright the world is, how full of light--everything is slightly luminescent. It was the height of the afternoon, and the sunlight shone on everything in  such a way that it seemed to shine back out of those things as well. Perhaps it Was shining back out of those things. I noticed that I was literally surrounded by animals. They were everywhere, squirrels, birds, moths, butterflies....I'd walked this area on my way to work a number of times, and noticed the occasional squirrel. Now, this wasn't a nature preserve, so I was a bit surprised. And then realized that the entire planet was a nature preserve, and that my separation was a false thing.  I remember thinking that the world had really good resolution. I spend far too much time on my computer.  Color is interesting; there is more to it than I had previously suspected. It has a life of it's own, it speaks.

There has been a whole lot of filtering going on so that I could walk about without actually seeing things, without engaging. Perhaps this is why I've always felt drawn to Magic; when you are doing it effectively it requires you to be wholly present. Real magic requires full engagement. 

I'd read an article a bit ago about how people stop seeing colors truly at around 6 months old, and from thenceforth see the idea of colors. One more thing that we have to learn how to do "like a little child", as Master Yeshua has instructed..

I also had some deep realizations about my own personality; things in my childhood that I'd forgotten which had shaped my reaction to the world. I am very grateful for those in particular, because seeing the truth of a thing frees you from slavery to it. I recognize that a particular trait of mine, which I had considered a major part of my personality, isn't a fundamental part of Me. It's something I developed as a reaction to a particular hurt in my life, so that I could avoid it in the future. Turns out that I am not my personality, or rather that much of my personality is made up of clothes meant to shield me from the cruel elements. Reactions. The pure kernel at the center of that, the awareness, is I. Everything else is window dressing. Nothing that hasn't been said before, but reading it and having Gnosis of it are different things. Experience is everything. 

In LVX,

AIT