Unpleasant realisation today. I've been studying Philalethes' works-Metamorphysis of Metals, etc., and after an hour of bashing my brain against it realized that....I had no bloody idea what the man was talking about. While I love Spagery as an Art in and of itself, understanding it's methods have led me no closer to removing the veil of obfuscation around Hermetic Alchemy.
The 'Language of the Birds" spoken by the alchemists is seemingly impenetrable without a Guide.
What's interesting is that, before I studied Spagery, I thought I had some idea of what was going on in the Alchemical tracts and emblems. Growing to understand Spagery has made me aware of exactly how large a gap there is between Spagery and Heremetic Alchemy. They are more distant cousins than brother and sister. There is a connection between the ideas, but that seems to be where the parallels start. The processes alluded to in many of the Emblems are useless without context. While studying them, I found myself trying to fit them into Spagery, as that was the only real frame of reference I had to what they may have been alluding to. That won't teach me anything but more Spagery, however.
There is hope, though. My Order is said to have possesion of the initiatic keys-I'll just keep chugging along, and hopefully in time I will have made the transition to the Inner, and these veils will be lifted.
I know it is unseemly to speed through one's work-and I've taken it very slow. But with this kind of knowledge waiting for one, it is Hard. I'm mentally gnashing my teeth in frustration with my ignorance. Is there anything worse than not knowing?