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Today I woke up.

Ave,

I've spent huge amounts of my lifetime basically asleep. Living in a daydreaming state, a fugue. The problem is the future. The idea of it, anyway. It doesn't exist. The past exists as the present, there is nothing but the present. Nothing! I'm not saying this right, but it's a true thing. I've spent the entire day trying not to fall back asleep. I understand what Gurdijeff was teaching. We're a race of sleepwalkers, we spend more time asleep than awake. I refuse to do so any longer. What a difference this is. Subtle at first, but deepening.

I've always thought I had a terrible memory; this isn't true. I haven't actually been present for the things that occurred that I wished to recall. Sleep-walking. I've been dreaming, and seeing everything about me as in a dream. Not seeing the truth of a thing.

Interestingly, it isn't as difficult to stay awake as I thought it would be.  Sleep still sneaks up on me, but there's a quiet spot in my mind that is Aware and gives me a nudge.

This has been a profound experience, and I hope I'm communicating it correctly.

In LVX,

AIT

Comments

  1. AnonymousMay 20, 2010 at 12:10 AM

    Well done. Just don't forget that everybody in the world can Choose this any time they like.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hoodooFebruary 5, 2016 at 11:54 PM

      Seems like such a ... shitty thing to say. Does an awake person shoot aphorisms like these so easily? 'Choose any time they like' and 'everybody' irks me men. Why did they have mystery initiations where the punishments for revealing was to chuck the tattle-taler off a cliff, Back in The Day?

      Delete
  2. UnknownMay 20, 2010 at 12:19 AM

    Thank you, Frater. I'm well aware that this wheel has been discovered by wiser men than I....I'm just communicating my own experience.

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousMay 20, 2010 at 4:10 AM

    Frater,

    It looks like your own Golden Dawn is coming, and swiftly...

    Salutations,

    Darren

    ReplyDelete
  4. Mr. J.May 20, 2010 at 5:14 AM

    May you stay awake for a long long time to come, man. The biggest challenges I've had in cultivating that vividness is habit, mental dullness, and having to physically sleep. Making a mental note before bed and through out the day that you are now seeing reality has helped me. Not perfect, but a help.

    You can do this. :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. UnknownMay 20, 2010 at 7:57 AM

    @ Fra Darren

    Thank you kindly--let's keep the finger crossed, haha. I wouldn't call it swiftly, but we're moving along....

    @ Fra Jow

    Thank you, and I'm right with you on the mental note. Benn thinking about a tattoo, haha. I'm going to need all the help I can get.

    ReplyDelete

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