Skip to main content

Today I woke up.


I've spent huge amounts of my lifetime basically asleep. Living in a daydreaming state, a fugue. The problem is the future. The idea of it, anyway. It doesn't exist. The past exists as the present, there is nothing but the present. Nothing! I'm not saying this right, but it's a true thing. I've spent the entire day trying not to fall back asleep. I understand what Gurdijeff was teaching. We're a race of sleepwalkers, we spend more time asleep than awake. I refuse to do so any longer. What a difference this is. Subtle at first, but deepening.

I've always thought I had a terrible memory; this isn't true. I haven't actually been present for the things that occurred that I wished to recall. Sleep-walking. I've been dreaming, and seeing everything about me as in a dream. Not seeing the truth of a thing.

Interestingly, it isn't as difficult to stay awake as I thought it would be.  Sleep still sneaks up on me, but there's a quiet spot in my mind that is Aware and gives me a nudge.

This has been a profound experience, and I hope I'm communicating it correctly.




  1. Well done. Just don't forget that everybody in the world can Choose this any time they like.

    1. Seems like such a ... shitty thing to say. Does an awake person shoot aphorisms like these so easily? 'Choose any time they like' and 'everybody' irks me men. Why did they have mystery initiations where the punishments for revealing was to chuck the tattle-taler off a cliff, Back in The Day?

  2. Thank you, Frater. I'm well aware that this wheel has been discovered by wiser men than I....I'm just communicating my own experience.

  3. Frater,

    It looks like your own Golden Dawn is coming, and swiftly...



  4. May you stay awake for a long long time to come, man. The biggest challenges I've had in cultivating that vividness is habit, mental dullness, and having to physically sleep. Making a mental note before bed and through out the day that you are now seeing reality has helped me. Not perfect, but a help.

    You can do this. :)

  5. @ Fra Darren

    Thank you kindly--let's keep the finger crossed, haha. I wouldn't call it swiftly, but we're moving along....

    @ Fra Jow

    Thank you, and I'm right with you on the mental note. Benn thinking about a tattoo, haha. I'm going to need all the help I can get.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Quick overview of Simple Spagyric Technique

The following is a simple rundown for creating Spagyric tinctures and Elixirs, from the manuscript 'Book of the Blossoming Flower." I wrote it so that there would be a baseline, unobfuscated understanding of how to make Spagyric products with extremely basic tools. I posted something similar earlier, but without explaining much as far as how the steps relate to the classic alchemical progression. So, here we are!
Making a Spagyric Tincture
1.Take up your plant, and on the Day/Hour corresponding to the energy you wish to refine (Planet, Element, or Sign.) Chop the plant into fine pieces on your cutting board, beginning the Mortificatio stage. Sunrise on the Day corresponding to a planet is best-for astrological forces. I had success capturing the Astrological powers by beginning the work when the Sign is in the Ascendant, preferably during an Elemental Tide that corresponds to the Triplicity the Sign is associated with. For Elemental powers, I have found that beginning the work …

Bullshit Siddhis

Nsala malongo,
So.....powers. They exist. You work your alchemy, and they start popping up.
It isn't what you expect.
It's not like the comics.
Subtle things happen. You get a little something here, a big something there. Some of them appear useless at first.
Some years ago, after work in the upper cinnabar field, I gained the dubiously awesome ability to see a sort of spirit double floating around people. At first I was BEYOND stoked, and thought I was well on my way toward ascension from my normal state into a vicious and powerful spiritual overlord, as was foretold. By me. When I was like, fourteen.
Then, after the wonder wore off, I realized that this was absolutely useless. The double gave me no information about the person, no power to manipulate myself or the other. It was just there. So. Countless hours of heat and concentration, and the end result was this?

Of course it *was* useful in the long-run, as a mark of my developing spiritual sight. And continuing to wor…

Palo Mayombe


I've been engaged in a deep study of Frater Nicholaj de Mattos Frisvold's work Palo Mayombe, and have been steadily amazed at the deep understandings within it. For a long time I've known some small measure of what Palo is--that it is a worship-centered religion, that it is necromantically powerful. I've also known what it isn't-- Palo is not just black magic, it isn't a club an African/Afro-Latino sorcerer wields to beat people over the head. That being said, engaging in metaphysical contests with it's practitioners is generally un-wise....they don't mess about. Palo Mayombe is a fierce religion, but it Is a religion.

What I didn't know was the true depths of it's Wisdom and alchemical understanding. That's right,alchemical understanding. Palo Mayombe isn't a simple practice. It's a multi-layered and living religious and alchemical practice, and it's grasp of the forces of life are unparalleled. It's spiritual technolo…