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Out of the Loop due to magical Ass-kicking

Ave,

So......the title pretty much says it all. Learned some interesting things during this phase-one is that the energetic body has a direct effect on physical health. I wasted a whole bunch of it recently-burning the candle at both ends by basically working two jobs. One being my regular bills-paying affair (which does me well), and the other being the Web Design/Development business I'm busting ass trying to get off of the ground. I'd rather not have to rely on the good will of others to take care of my family, and realized that I didn't have to. I just needed to MOVE (this was holy BITOM giving me some illumination). Magic was the primer that fired the shot to get this business moving, and so I've learned magical lessons through the process of growing it. So, lesson one is the following:

Fire requires fuel, and that fuel is You.With fire magic, your mind's the wick and your bodies are the wax.

I doubled my work life while basically halving my energetic work, and woke up one morning to find myself energetically wasted. My limbs felt weak, I was light-headed...like I'd given too much blood. I felt like a re-animated corpse, I could barely move. This was not good. I am rarely sick-I catch cold perhaps twice a year, haven't taken more than 3 aspirin in a decade-and this laid me out. I thought that I'd caught some plague or other, and slept. Awoke again, feeling weak and drained, foggy-minded. Decided to perform the Middle Pillar, and felt immediate relief. Performed my entire ritual battery, and an hour later felt mostly myself. What I had thought was the flu was clearly not-I've never heard of a flu that comes and goes without fever or stuffiness, and disappears through one application of ceremonial magic. (And no, my skill with our beloved art isn't That good-don't I wish!) It would seem the elementals I've conjured up-the one's making changes within myself-require fuel to do their work. Like a jacked up metabolism requires more food. I've set them to work balancing the fire energies within myself, and there is a price to pay. My normal seems to require that I take in LVX-a few days without doing so, and I'm weak as a newborn puppy. Not awesome. I normally perform the middle pillar at least once a day as part of my battery, but this last month I've been inconsistent....well, no more.

I've examined myself for larvae, and for obsession, and found nothing. While it's certainly possible I fought off some bizarre virus and experienced remarkable timing between my energy work and the work of my immune system (which is quite a bit like the way magic works anyway), my experience and divination tells me that the LVX-or lack thereof- was the key issue. The energetic bodies require deep and regular sleep to fully replenish, and I certainly have not been getting much of that (twin babies). My kids are getting older (just about 2 and a half), and that's been changing the sleep amount toward the positive for the last couple months. Reduced sleep+Reduced LVX intake=Reduced function. It can sneak up on you.

Anyway, this month has been full of confusion and turmoil. I've had, in addition to the energetic crisis, had to examine some pretty deep and unpleasant things about my psyche that hadn't been addressed completely. I'm coming out of the other side now, with some renewed and painfully acquired understanding. Sometimes being a magician feels distinctly masochistic.

It's like pulling an old steamrolling train downhill. You can't stop or the damn thing will run you down.

Not that I'm not grateful. Just...compressed, a little singed. Ehh, it's hard to explain.

I hope the day finds all of you, my Fraters and Sorors, well.

In LVX,

AIT

Comments

  1. Dude, same thing happened to me. Sorta. I did a ton of magical work, got all kinds of practical benefits, and then got lost in the mundanity of the work that goes into maintaining it. Gotta reach a balance, transcendent Work, Practical Work, Mundane Work. That's my current project.

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  2. Right on bro-that sounds like a plan. I'm tired of having my ass handed to me! Hopefully this time the lesson got through my thick head. Id rather not repeat this.

    Been enjoying your latest posts,btw. Especially the story- Been too busy to comment due to aforementioned beat-down. Will rectify that shortly.

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  3. I've experienced similar, a very litteral kind of burn out. I've heard some mages take tinctures to counter act intense inner work, while others just simply keep the lamp of their souls full of the oil of LUX. I think the analogy of a water or sand bath is fitting. Some things you cannot heat highly and directly, you need a mediator or they scorch.

    To me, one way to sand bath your practice is to pay close attention to your body. Eat more, and better, relax in a way that fulfills you, not drains you, and get in some exercise to get the denser bodily energies to move around a bit.

    At least those are things that have helped me, after the initial burn out recovery.

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  4. Excellent idea, Frater Jow! I've got strong general tinctures stored from my spagyric work, and completely spaced on actually using them. I'm going to give that a go, a little energetic suppliment.

    Thank you-AIT

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