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Dreams of the Portal, HGA

Ave,

I've had an incredibly active dream life of late-in fact, since I started working on communing with my HGA. My most recent dream of note involved an invitation into the Portal.....now, what Portal it was and who was inviting was anyone's guess. It was quite strange-I'm a magician of the Golden Dawn tradition, but the entities in my dream about the Portal where not robed in our fashion. There were no Nemysses, or Sashes, or even wands about. There were three figures, each tall and fair. They were robed in white, a sky blue, and a pink-ish red respectively. They called me be my given name, and asked if I would come through the Portal. I remember not being confused, but also not knowing anything. There was none of the background info one gets at times when dreaming of a strange situation; the backstory wasn't filled in. The area we were in was incandescent and white, but plain. They seemed very simple, these folks. Clear is probably a better term. They also seemed to be not-quite-people, as if the forms I perceived in the dream where assumed forms, like a jacket. I recall thinking "Yes, and thank you", and then being led forward into a brightness. I don't remember anything after that unfortunately. I'm not the best dream analyzer, so I'm going to write it down and see if it has any connections show up later.

I'm still working on developing my communion with my HGA. One thing I've noticed is that my communications with it are only clear under two specific circumstances:

1.That I am deep in prayer, and then initiate the conversation/communion.
2.That I am conducting a divination.

Other magicians seem to speak to their HGA as if it were available as soon as their eyes are closed; this isn't that easy for me. Perhaps I don't have the full Knowledge and Conversation. What does that even mean, when individual experiences seem to vary so much? I speak with my HGA. It speaks back, and guides me. I can reach out to it for clarification on pretty much anything, and it has assisted me in working with my own Daimon....who is far more subtle than I initially gave her credit for.We don't have frivilous interactions at all, and it doesn't fail to express it's disapproval of a given plan if I present it. It seems to answer questions on different levels, which seem to be entirely dependent on my own level of understanding. Every answer has layers of meaning, all of which are true. It has helped me come to understandings I would not have come to on my own.

I know that I have a Communion with my HGA, but is this the Knowledge and Conversation? I don't know. I know that I have access, and that I have direct guidance and assistance. I'm still a fool. I still am weak-minded, and undisciplined. I still suffer. I am still often confused. I'm still imperfect, is the point I suppose. I think that, in the depths of my mind, I had somehow still clung to the fantasy that the Knowledge and Conversation was a culmination....instead I find that it is a Beginning, after which there is a literal mountain of work.  I have become aware that my spiritual development and my skill with magic are not necessarily the same thing. They aren't directly proportional. I could communicate with my HGA at any point through sustained prayer; our magic has little to do with this. It is a matter of enflamation, of fire within the heart, of holy fervor. Wielding magical current requires Knowledge and practice, but not Wisdom.
The things I need to do to evolve do not require I become a better technical Magician, is what I'm trying to say. There is no technique or formulae that I need to learn to increase my wisdom, I need to correctly apply the technique I have. Which is interesting-I'm so in love with the Art that I think I've made the mistake of correlating increased magical power with increased wisdom...mostly because, as I've increased the one I've increased the other as part of the process of becoming a magician. This is a bit like assuming having increasingly sharper scalpels will result in one being a better doctor. If you start with crappy scalpels, than sure-but at some point the tools you are using become second nature, and you're skill as a doctor will only increase with Wisdom and understanding. Magic is useful and wonderful in that it allows me to create the situations necessary for my development-situations that I may not have been able to create otherwise. Being an excellent Mage is no substitute for being Wise. It's the way in which Magic is applied that separates the Adept from the Aspirant-in my opinion. The Adept has developed a relationship with the HGA that gives a useful and wise perspective that is outside of the Ego; this relationship guides the direction in which his best tool, Magic, is applied. Without the HGA, we are left to make decisions about our development without the guidance of a more fully evolved power-without an initiator. Once access to that wisdom is gained, the Magician can apply his Art sagely, in order to refine himself. The wise Magician applies his magic initially to acquiring the Communion, and his wisdom lies in knowing enough to know that he doesn't know a damn thing. That he is flawed, that he needs this help and assistance. That if he is to reach the heights, and become truly wise, he needs to commune with the inner Sage and be guided by it's wisdom. This wisdom is humility, and is gained by our particularly arrogant lot the hard way, or not at all.

I will admit to feeling a bit of despair-before I prayed, and had my HGA give me the 'ol eyebrow lift, as if to say "What did you expect?" Despair gone, wry smile in place. Quit whining-I'm getting exactly what i asked for. I was just too fool to understand what that was until this point.

I feel as if, after years of striving to climb a mountain, I reach it's peak and see before me....another mountain. A bigger mountain. I can't even see it's bloody peak, and my feet hurt. This time, however, I have a Sherpa of sorts to help with the climb.

In LVX,

AIT

Comments

  1. 93- I'm at a similar stage, where communication with the HGA- at least it seems to be the HGA, is intermittent, and requires a fair amount of work to make it happen. I get a stronger contact every few months, and smaller ones here and there in between. But there is a sense that the connection is getting better- less static in the lines. I don't think it's the full K&C yet, though. Nearly every account from practical magickians indicates a strong peak experience - what I'm getting is more like a phone call, rather than a in-person visit.

    I don't have much else to offer, other than to say "keep at it", and focus double-hard when when the HGA seems more distant. My best contacts seem to occur when I find it hardest to push through my own confusion and bullcrap.

    93s,

    Fr. MTP

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks-nice to hear from a frater having a parallel experience.

    ReplyDelete

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